Don’t you think parenting is such a gift?
No, maybe not today.. or maybe you are coming around to it?.. or maybe you LOVE it!
At any time of any day of any week or any year parenting can surprise you with feelings of wonder or overwhelm and thoughts of ‘how did THAT stain get THERE???
At influencers life we want you to know that we believe with a little bit of gusto, some help from your friends, and some good reliable truths you can be the best parent to your children and see THEM and YOU grow into all that you are called to be!
Did you know that typically there are four stages of parenting? Directional, Coaching, Supportive and Delegation.. let us help break it down for you!
Directional
This is the typically a stage for parenting toddlers and early elementary kids. As he or she is finding out more about the world a lot of what they learn will come from your direction. There are some keys to this stage that you could find helpful:
Firstly it is important to make sure your toddler is hearing and understanding your direction.
It is helpful to do the following:
Get on their level, you may need to bend down, kneel, sit down, bring them up to sit with you.
Make eye contact, there are a lot of bright and colorful things to distract your kids! Make sure you are making eye contact. Say their name to draw their attention to you, this helps them to know you have a message specifically for them.
Next make sure you are giving them directions they can handle, don’t undermine their ability but don’t overestimate it either! In other words, don’t set them up to fail - it will discourage you and them!
Be specific and tell them the behavior or outcome that you are looking for, explain why.
If for example you are asking them to put their shoes on for daycare, practice giving them an option of two pairs of shoes, options help to train your child to also think at the same time as take direction.
Let them know the consequences - there can be positive (praises are a positive consequence) and negative consequences (using time out is a negative consequence). Give them a timeframe they understand.
Lastly, follow up! What positive consequence do they receive, what negative consequence needs to be implemented?
Coaching
As your kids get older you can parent your kids with the same kind of methods as your football coach… maybe with a teeny more grace..
First of all, coaches communicate!
Practice open communication with your child. Give them the run-down of the ‘field’. i.e., “Here’s what needs to be done” - this might be, tidying your room, making breakfast, cleaning the dishes - little tasks of responsibility. Ask them to complete the task, but don’t direct them every step of the way.
Give them options to play out, but don’t be an interferer.
Give them responsibility and encouragement.
Provide constructive criticism and debrief, what has worked well in the situation or scenario and what has not worked so well and could be improved on.
Supportive
Supportive parenting is authoritative.
Supportive parents provide warmth and interest. This is where you continue to teach your child how to give context to the world around them and who they are in that world.
Build your child up ready for the world around them so that they have a higher chance at success navigating, people, places and expectations around them.
Supportive parenting is also about giving your child positive reinforcement and also communicating highly each others thoughts, ideals, needs, giving a lot of opportunity for the child to discover and develop with you. These conversations are part of the building of their identity. It is also about using scenarios and situations as ways to discuss with each other how to conduct yourself in the world.
Give them opportunities to experience who they are in different settings, play dates, sports teams, making their own choices.
Its being interested in your child, but not overbearing.
Delegation
If the first three stages have been successful, which I am sure they will be! Now you’re child is old enough and mature enough that you can delegate to them.
Delegate tasks to your child that they can accomplish on their own.
Give them the opportunity to feel independent with a safe amount of delegation that is appropriate to their age and stage.
Celebrate the successes together and Communicate the losses together as well. Both are equally as important!
Here’s to being the best parent, having great kids, and most of all.. achieving it together! Great kids turn into incredible teenagers and incredible teenagers become phenomenal adults with the ability to conquer whatever they set their hearts to achieve!