“My friends tell me i have an intimacy problem but they don’t really know me."
Matt 22:36 “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” 37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.' 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

The goal of this series to discover the secrets of great relationships, to challenge you, and above all equip you, to grow in your ability to conduct healthy, loving, lasting relationships and get your energy back.

Our TV series try to mirror our society or what our community wants to be. In the first 30 years of TV, it was about the family.  

Then in the 90’s as families faltered the focus became friends. Then in the 2000’s, it was reality TV relationships that took center stage. It was at once sensationalist but also comforting as these average people were more broken than we felt about ourselves. 

In 2017 we’ve gotten tired of the shock value of reality shows and now it’s about something safer, something that is more connected but less intimate. Facebook has offered us a safe way we can connect with real people all over the world and share our lives and conversations with. It’s not deep, but it’s safer.

Over 50 years we have moved from the nuclear family to friends to facebook.

Despite the change what relationships look like and what a “normal family” looks like there has been no change to the deep cry in people who long for meaningful and intimate relationships.  

RELATIONSHIPS are enticingly attractive and yet at the same time potentially hazardous!  

Today I want to talk about the risks you will need to take and shifts that will happen if you do.   


  • The risk of being hurt keeps us defensive

  • It makes us reject before we are rejected.

  • It makes us keep things surface deep.

  • It makes us keep our options open at all times.

  • It stops us committing for life.


Great relationships demand openness and transparency.  We don’t want people to see into our souls...

  • So we wear masks
  • We pretend to be what we aren’t
  • We carefully manage our image.
  • The risk of exposure keeps us distant

Adam and Eve: it all started with them. Guilt and fear caused them to cover themselves and hide and we have been hiding ever since.  


I think the biggest issue with the speed of life misunderstanding.  We don’t want the details, we want the headlines.  We don’t dive in deep because it takes too long and it’s risky and the result is that we get misunderstood.


PROV 18:24 One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

One of friendships biggest predators is the fear of rejection. Rejection is powerful because its roots are in our self-esteem. How we see ourselves ultimately determines whether we can power through the rejection that will come as a part of life. 

I want to give you three RelationSHIFTs you can make today to start to improve your relationships

RelationShift #1

Understand that happiness is your responsibility

RelationShift #2

Understand where your anger is coming from.

There are 2 states in which we create our emotions from. One state is love and the other state is fear. Everything else is a variation on the continuum between these two states. Anger sits on the ‘fear’ side of the continuum.

RelationShift #3

Make decisions that are in the highest interest of the 3rd entity – the relationship.

In a relationship, there are 3 entities. There is the entity of you. There is the entity of the other person and then there is the entity of the relationship. When making decisions, if you make decisions that serve the relationship, you will find that power struggles subside.

Despite all the risks, why is the hunger still there? The answer is that God has made us that way.  You are wired genetically for a relationship. Your chromosomes are saturated with the need for friendship. Deep in your soul is a need to be close. It’s an unchangeable universal law. A law that you can’t ignore.  Woven deeply into the fabric of each persons spirit is this need to be interdependent and have strong relationships. God made it this way from the beginning of time.  We are not independent beings. We are not created to be alone.

We are not created to live superficial, or isolated existences without others. We were created for interdependence; in fact, the entire universe is wired with interdependence.

Coming up at Influencers...